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When I first posted The White Room on AO3 I was getting at least a couple of comments and that made me feel good, confident, that made me happy and knowing that people actually were reading and enjoying it made me want to write more. I even posted my Frerard Shots there and got a few comments at first. Then a few chapter posts ago, the comments stopped. And that sucks, okay. I never wanted to beg for comments, but it sucks and it hurts not getting any. I worked hard on this, I don't get paid to do this. I do it because I wanted people to enjoy my work again. Okay, let me tell you what no reviews feels like, it feels like no one is interested in the story, no one likes it. That's what it looks like too. So, I wonder what I did wrong, did it start to suck, did it start to get boring? If people are bored, why continue? It feels pathetic to keep posting something no one is interested in, that everyone ignores. I guess I left the internet for these reasons, I came back to still be ignored. I know they say just write for yourself, write what you want. But if I'm gonna do that, there's no point in taking time to type this shit out, which usually hurts and is frustrating no matter how I do it, no point in editing over it multiple times, or posting it on the internet and dealing with the anxiety. This shit is actually work. I don't get paid money, I do it for love, to know I entertain, to know people might like the same shit I do, I get paid in comments and faves. I mean, I guess it can be considered that I'm not getting flames. I don't know if I'd ever minded constructive criticism, maybe I'm too sensitive for that as well. Isn't it a shame, I'll accept being ignored because at least it's better than being outright insulted. But ignored still says no one cares. I have gotten mad in the past for shitty comments. Like someone saying 'funner' wasn't a word, when the character used it as dialogue, basically as slang. And I got mad because on the chapter 'It Takes Discipline' someone reminded me that Mikey was younger than Gerard, which confused me cuz I never said he wasn't in the chapter. So, I assumed they meant because Gerard was coffee-jazzed and hyper and since he was older than Mikey and Frank, he was supposed to be the responsible one while they acted like children, he wasn't allowed to be hyper or in a good mood, or have fun. Or maybe since he was older he should've been spanking and raping them both, and those thoughts made me really mad so I let them have it in the next chapter. They had reviewed anonymously, since FFDN lets them do that now- at least I can delete stupid anon comments, but I still have to see them- So, since they didn't login, I couldn't reply to them to ask what they meant.

I stopped writing for Frerard a couple of years ago because I got no comments, no feeling that anyone was even reading, especially on LJ, and I thought it must mean they didn't enjoy it or care, and I thought my Frerard Shots sucked anyway because I was new to writing Gerard at the time.. also I like Gerard to bottom, and I've been told many times via my PixieGee tumblr blog that he tops, even tho I'll never ever agree with that shit. The majority of the fandom likes Frank to bottom, he's their baby. Well, Gerard's my baby. I found the same attacks in the wrestling slash fandom years ago, but at least I still had readers who loved what I was doing anyway. So I took Gerard and put him in my wrestling world. I thought he was much smaller than the wrestlers so no one would give a damn if he bottomed to them. That was the issue with Frank anyway, right? He was just a little bit smaller and shorter than Gerard, so he must be tiny baby and the obvious bottom. Gerard isn't that damn big, that's what they forget. He's pretty small himself and only stands at 5'9 and he slouches. He's also very delicate and soft looking and that turns me on. But I had to change his last name, I gave him my real life last name Davis, because FanFicDotNet are assholes that like to remove certain fics for bullshit reasons- not because a fic is so poorly written you can't read it, or because they completely trash the characterization of the people I admire, but for writing real people, for writing it out like a script, or using a dirty word in the summary. So I couldn't write Gerard Way of MCR, he had to become Gerard Davis and be my OC. He was accepted there overall.. but I'm bored and disappointed with wrestling anymore, so I don't want to write it.

So I stuck to writing Gerard with my Mary Sue Taryn, still having him bottom because I like femdom and pegging, but those were just for me because no one wants to see my Mary Sue with Gerard Way. Those I really just did write for myself and kept to myself.

Anyway, it's not important I guess, I know some people are reading, I just hope they enjoy it. I was still having fun with The White Room, comments or not. It just bums me out. I do enjoy writing, but with the pain I stay in, it really is hard to do what I love. I just want to know that others love what I'm doing too. But I don't want anyone to feel an obligation to comment because I'm whining. I'm not whining, and I hate feeling under obligation myself. It's okay, if you don't review or comment, I know I read a lot and don't comment- mainly because I feel my opinions aren't important or wouldn't matter, those writers are better than me anyhow. I'm just posting this to tell you how I feel, nothing more. I want people to comment because they want to, not because they were guilted or asked. I'm not trying to do that. I'm just saying it feels bad when it feels like no one wants to comment on their own free will, or just because they like it. That's all. Anyway, happy reading, no matter what that is.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
edgycactus
Feb. 28th, 2017 06:20 pm (UTC)
I can totally understand and relate to the positive reinforcement you need to keep writing. Wish I found this place earlier so I could've given you that when you actually needed it. I feel like there are three stages of reacting to someone's work. You can read it (maybe enjoyed it/maybe not), you can like it (give the author some kind of acknowledgement without spending too much time) and you can comment. You have the right to want this kind of acknowledgement. You deserve this kind of acknowledgement. Stay awesome, please. I love your work!
terrahfry13
Mar. 3rd, 2017 08:21 pm (UTC)
Oh, wow, I didn't know this was here. I hardly check the email for this one. Wow, thank you so much, this was so nice to hear, especially after the stressful week I've had in the real world. This really made my day. I'm so glad you enjoy my work, that's all I want, and thanks for understanding that. :)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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